There was a death in Roanoke this past week. A soft-spoken man, aged 45, quietly died. His life, and his death, have touched many in the Roanoke valley. His funeral was held on Friday and attended by hundreds of people. The church could not hold all of the attenders. Overflow rooms had to be opened. He was not a famous person. He was not a great statesman or an outspoken community leader. He was a humble man. A quiet man. A husband. A father of four children. A son. A brother. A physician.
I had spoken to Tom on a few occasions. We hardly found two words to say to each other. Just a smile and a comment about the weather. Being shy myself, I have a hard time conversing with other shy folk.
So how does a shy, unassuming person like Tom touch thousands of lives? How does his life and death bring hope, encouragement and meaning to so many?
The simple answer is, Jesus Christ.
Two months before Tom's passing, he wrote down something to be read at his funeral. It was read in its entirety to a large church that was packed and overflowing. Those who were there will never forget it. I have posted it below. It is long but powerful. What is it like to face your own death? Let Tom tell you.
"My Thoughts"
I was diagnosed with a major recurrence of malignant melanoma in early June, 2005. A course of intensive chemotherapy was begun, giving me a small but definite chance of a cure. Unfortunately, cancer in my lungs forced an abbreviated course of the more powerful of the two chemotherapeutic agents. Despite three operations attempting to stabilize the lungs for further chemotherapy, my doctors determined that this course of chemo was no longer a safe option. Additional chemotherapy options were discuessed, but they offered very little chance for cure and also carried marked side effects. In early August, 2005, after careful consultation with my doctors and Lynn [note: his wife], I determined the best course for me was to discontinue the toxic chemotherapy and to enjoy more time with my family and friends.
Just prior to this decision, a prayer group was organized through Kim and Bob Williams. They became a forum for many of our thoughts and concerns regarding dealing with a likely terminal illness and its effects on family and friends. After several of these meetings, Mark Graham (who had been in attendence) told me I had touched many people with how I dealt with the adversity thus far. He asked if I would record any additional such thoughts.
With fear and trepidation, I agreed. I feel very poorly prepared to create and cultivate thoughts which will bring people closer to Christ. My faith is very simple. My Biblical knowledge is profoundly retarded (but I've learned it's never too late to start), so I won't quote much scripture.
I have not really tried to say profound things in our prayer group that might bring people closer to God, yet somehow I have an impact. Only the Holy Spirit can be saying these things through me. I am concerned that with my human effort, I will fail to touch others, so I'm praying that the Spirit will guide my pen as well.
When I learned the bad news in June, my first prayerful request was for a medical miracle - a cure. After a moment's reflection, however, I asked for Christ to get me through this ordeal as a good Christian whether or not I was cured. I have chosen many wrong paths in my lifetime and I wanted to make sure I did this thing right. I've since been blessed with a wonderful opportunity to grow and I am incredibly thankful for it.
One blessing I've cherished on my journey thus far has been Christ's peace. I ask for it every day and have not felt alone at any time during my illness. As Christians, we are so fortunate to know Christ. In pain and in sorrow, He has been there for me. Thanks to God's grace, I haven't worried about death. I have been able to focus on the present, and to me it has made the difference between turning inwards on my thoughts and fears and turning outwards, particularly to the needs of my family.
I have been struck by several contradictions in the past few weeks. I've been stripped of many of my usual gifts (e.g. my ability to work to improve peoples' health or sing at church), yet somehow I have been blessed with the ability to have a positive spiritual impact on others. Another contradiction that has strongly affected me has been the statement of how "unlucky I am to be dying early." I've been given more opportunities in my 45 years to learn, work, love, grow, and develop a relationship with Christ than many ever will. I could kick myself for all those occasions when I allowed completely stupid arguments get between Lynn and myself. I wish I had taken more time away from the ballgame on TV to really pay attention to, and enjoy, my children. Indeed, I have squandered far more time than I should have.
Another contradiction is that life has somehow been unfair to me, giving me cancer in my late 30's. Well, it's also not fair that I was born to two wonderful parents in the wealthiest country in the world. It's not fair that I was given some brains and the opportunity to develop them in fine universities and allowed to work in such a rewarding profession. As everyone knows, I married "way up" when I married Lynn. I have four of the sweetest children you'll ever meet, and we are surrounded by wonderful friends. Life has been more than fair to me. My illness has taught me to understand and appreciate many blessings of which I was not even aware. I learned to be thankful and even joyous for the pain free "good days" during my illness. I am thankful that I, and not one of my children, am afflicted with cancer.
I realize how fortunate I am to have such caring doctors, nurses and family addressing my needs. I have to pray for those in far-off battlefields or those orphans dying alone in third world countries of AIDS and hunger.
One thing I have realized over the past few months is what a wonderful, caring community we live in. The outpouring of love from friends, family, co workers, church, and community has been a great comfort. The challenge for us is to recognize these wonderful qualities in each other sooner and to appreciate them.
For instance, I was first found to have metastatic disease to my neck in late July, 2004. After surgery to remove the lesion and some chemotherapy, I returned to work. One of my goals was to use the workplace as a means of praising God when possible, but more frequently to remember to treat everyone special in God's eyes. It often made it much easier to deal with "ornery" or challenging patients.
For those who are married, please appreciate the saint next to you. I truly cannot believe the depth of Lynn's love for me. Every day and night for the past three months, she has been at my side providing for my every need. Often, all she has gotten in return has been a grunt of gratitude. She has handled the children amazingly well, allowing them to have as normal a summer as possible. She has buffered me from all kinds of intrusions and surrounds me with a pure form of love - that which expects no return. I am in awe of her and the strength God has given this beautiful woman.
I have told many people that I have been blessed with Christ's peace and grace and that death doesn't scare me. What did scare me was the process of dying. To date, I don't know where I am in this dying process, but thus far this has been an opportunity for spiritual growth and a special time for friends and family.
I hope and pray that you will take the opportunity to walk further down the road with Christ. Make time to be with him. Many of my friends and family are much further down the path with Christ than I am. That is not important. It is very important to get started on, or return to, the path. Make a realistic list of ways to start such as reading the Bible, local volunteering, or tithing, and get started! I'm sure you will find - as Lynn and I have -- that life only gets better with Christ as your guide and the Holy Spirit as your strength and motivation.
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Tom's thoughts end there. He died this week. I would say that the Holy Spirit most definitely guided his pen. Last night as I was putting my boys to bed, my youngest son (7 years old) looked at the yellow band on his wrist (something he and the rest of the swim team wore this year in honor of Tom) and asked if we could remember to pray for the Martins. We did.
It's always refreshing to hear stories like this. When most of the world would shake their fist at God, people like Tom have the divine wisdom to know better.
A lesson I've learned recently is to pray that people will have wisdom in the midst of their trials (James 1:5). Christians focus so much on a prayer for healing ignoring prayers for understanding and right thinking. Tom's initial reflection is what prepared him to be the instrument he was/is. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Brad Mills | October 24, 2005 at 03:38
Wow. Thanks. This is what it's all about.
Posted by: dopderbeck | October 26, 2005 at 21:12